Satire from Lillpop…
On Friday Hillary Clinton will reach a major milestone in her life: She will turn 60 years old.
Of course, no one can know of a certainty but the following seems a reasonable guess as to what Hillary will be wishing for on her 60th birthday:
Endorsement of Barack Obama by the Nation of Islam, Louis Farrakhan, OJ Simpson, and Michael Vick.
John Edwards sued for $100 million dollars by physicians driven out of medicine by corrupt ambulance chasers/attorneys. Negative publicity forces Edwards to quit the 2008 presidential campaign.
Al Gore arrested for burning hundreds of boxes of “Albert Gore, 43rd President of the United States” letterhead on a no burn day, a felony known to cause global warming. Subsequently forced to return his Oscar and Nobel Peace Prize.
Slick Willie contracts an untreatable and mysterious strain of impotency that leaves him unable to perform sexually, except with her.
Rose Law Firm burns to the ground in a massive fire of suspicious origin. All records pertaining to Hillary’s employment at Rose are destroyed.
Norman Hsu and Sandy Berger suffer unexpected, untimely and suspiciously similar deaths.
Rudy Giuliani arrested for diverting that $10 million dollar check from Saudi Prince Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal into his personal checking account for the 2008 campaign.
Matt Romney found to have more co-wives than Slick Willie has bimbos, past and present. Hillary laughs out loud when musing about what might have been if Slick had been a sex addict and Mormon.
Files containing extremely damaging information about Mike Huckabee’s personal foibles in Arkansas miraculously survive the Rose Law Firm fire, and end up in Hillary’s hands for safe keeping the night before the fire.
Monica Lewinski dies unexpectedly in circumstances eerily similar to those surrounding the mysterious deaths of Norman Hsu and Sandy Berger.
Fred Thompson falls asleep during Republican debate. No one notices except 100 million voters watching on television.
Chinese dishwashers and Latino illegal aliens persuaded to postpone learning English until after the 2008 election to avoid lies and propaganda from Republicans who hate yellow and brown people, especially those who speak English.
Private security firm reports that domestic spying apparatus at White House can be upgraded to include bimbo alarms and motion detectors/video cameras in that little room so special to Slick Willie and Monica.
Happy 60th, Hillary
John Lillpop is a Capitol Hill Coffee House staff writer.